Grinch Sayings in 2023

Stupid. Ugly. Out of date. This is ridiculous. If I can’t find something nice to wear I’m not going.

Oh, the Who-manity.

4:00, wallow in self-pity. 4:30, stare into the abyss. 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me. I can’t cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing. I’m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.

Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television.

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore.

Cheer up, dude. It’s Christmas.

That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? That’s what it’s always been about. Gifts, gifts… gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I’m saying? In your garbage. I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump. And the avarice. The avarice never ends! ‘I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue.’ Look, I don’t wanna make waves, but this whole Christmas season i

Now you listen to me, young lady! Even if we’re horribly mangled, there’ll be no sad faces on Christmas.

You can’t hurt Christmas, Mr. Mayor because it isn’t about the gifts or the contests or the fancy lights.

Cheer up, dude. It’s Christmas.

And then all the noise. All the noise, noise, noise, NOISE! They’ll bang on tong-tinglers, blow their foo-flounders, they’ll crash on jang-jinglers, and bounce on boing-bounders!

This is the loudest snow I’ve ever heard in my life

Bleeding hearts of the world unite.

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more?

Saving you, is that what you think I was doing? Wrong-o. I merely noticed that you’re improperly packaged, my dear

And they’ll feast, feast, feast, feast. They’ll eat their Who-Pudding and rare Who-Roast Beast. But that’s something I just cannot stand in the least. Oh, no. I’M SPEAKING IN RHYME!

And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of*ten Grinches, plus two! 

I’m all toasty inside.