Grinch Sayings in 2023

Stupid. Ugly. Out of date. This is ridiculous. If I can’t find something nice to wear I’m not going.

4:00, wallow in self-pity. 4:30, stare into the abyss. 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me. I can’t cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing. I’m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.

Oh, the Who-manity.

Holiday who-be what-ee?

The ribbons! The wrappings! The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Be it ever so heinous, there’s no place like home.

I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump.

Oh no. The Presents. They’ll be destroyed. …And I *care*! What is the DEAL???

If you utter so much as one syllable, I’LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you’d like to fax me, press the star key.

That is not a chew toy!

Max, grab a bag. We’ll come back for the rest. Of course when I say “we” I mean “you.

Look at those greedy little monsters. Loading themselves up with Christmas junk.

I could use a little social interaction.

Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums! Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums! And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly, stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley!

I don’t need anything more for Christmas than this right here. My family.

Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double Hate. Loathe entirely!

I am the Grinch that stole Christmas… and I’m sorry. Aren’t you going to cuff me? Beat me up? Blind me with pepper spray?

No matter how different a Who may appear, he will always be welcomed with holiday cheer.