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Witty Sayings in 2024

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. 

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

There are no good girls gone wrong – just bad girls found out.

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly — because if they don’t speak fast nobody will listen to them.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.

Humpty Dumpty was pushed!

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there I carry on as usual.

A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.

If you can’t learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly. 

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

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