Witty Sayings in 2025

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Women want to be treated as equals, not sequels

I can’t be out of money, I still have checks left.

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner. “Much obliged,” said he, pushing the plate aside, “I am not accustomed to take my wine in pills.”

A day without sunshine is like, night.

People seldom do what they believe in, they do what is convenient, and then repent.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you’re still a rat.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.