Witty Sayings in 2025

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

The first time you buy a house you think how pretty it is and sign the check. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It’s the same with men.

Wine is bottled poetry. 

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.

If you want to be criticized, marry. 

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.

I’ve stopped drinking, but only when I’m asleep.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

When a man of forty falls in love with a girl of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own.

If you cannot be a poet, be the poem.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything in the house. 

It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.