Witty Sayings in 2025

I am told to just be myself, but as much as I have practiced the impression, I am still no good at it.

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

Big girls need big diamonds.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

Ah, good ol’ trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there’s my personal favorite, the male ego.

I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won’t let himself get snotty about it

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.