Witty Sayings in 2025

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there’s my personal favorite, the male ego.

I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won’t let himself get snotty about it

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

“Be yourself” is about the worst advice you can give some people. 

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

Every man of genius sees the world at a different angle from his fellows, and there is his tragedy. ~

Good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere.

I wonder if clothes in China say, “Made around the corner.

In the game of life, it’s a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season

I never trust a man who doesn’t drink.