Witty Sayings in 2025

If you want to be criticized, marry. 

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.

I’ve stopped drinking, but only when I’m asleep.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

When a man of forty falls in love with a girl of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own.

If you cannot be a poet, be the poem.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything in the house. 

It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. 

In God we trust; all others pay cash.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say “I want to see the manager.”

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

Women are never disarmed by compliments; men always are

I am told to just be myself, but as much as I have practiced the impression, I am still no good at it.

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

Big girls need big diamonds.